Saturday Night in Minas Tirith

So for my first "real" entry, I'm going for the gusto and publishing someone else's copyrighted material. If anyone has something to say about it, just let me know, and I'll be glad to make all necessary changes. HA! Who am I kidding? No-one is reading this damnable thing -- yet.

At work this past Christmas, Grace gave me a page-a-day desk calendar featuring photos from Peter Jackson's LOTR trilogy. I've made it my business to try and come up with a funny caption for each photo; sometimes it's not so easy. The other day, though, prompted by the above picture, the yucks kept coming and just wouldn't stop. Encouraged and aided by Grace Amelia, a new set of dialogue was "discovered." As you read this, you can keep Denethor's voice the same as in the movie, but Pippin should be dubbed in by every surly teen you've ever known. If you need a pop-culture touchstone, try Napoleon Dynamite on for size ...

Pippin: ...

Denethor: You going to stand there all night? Speak up, boy!

P: Uh ... can I borrow the chariot tonight?

D: What? No! Are you out of your mind? Don't you remember what happened last time?

P: I promise I won't let Frodo drive again. He's the one that wrecked it, not me.

D: The answer is still no, and that's final!

P: Aw! Well, can I go to the Green Day concert?

D: Only if you bring Faramir.

P: No way! He's a jerk, and he always starts fights. Last time, he waded into the mosh pit when it was full of dwarves, pushed one over, and they all fell down. He thought it was really funny. It looked like a wiggling bear rug covered in chain mail.

D: I don't care. Either you take him, or you don't go.

P: Awwwww! Can't we bring Boromir, instead?

D: Dammit, no! He'll just get you drunk -- again! That's probably what happened with Frodo and the chariot ...

P: I promise, he won't! Just take his horn away from him before he goes out, and he's fine.

D: No. That's final. How about Aragorn?

P: Pfft. As if. Now that he's Mister High And Mighty King, he's all, like, "I'm too good for Green Day!" He'd probably like it if we invited him to a Jewel concert ...

D: Hey! There's nothing wrong with Jewel, Mister! That does it -- you're going nowhere!

P: dick.

D: I heard that! Go to your parapet!